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The author wants to affect the way people think of her. The author’s thoughts, opinions, and life philosophies matter. This is the least heinous of the five—but seeing a lonely person acting lonely on Facebook makes me and everyone else sad. On the other hand, annoying statuses typically reek of one or more of these five motivations: 1) Image Crafting. The author wants to make people jealous of him or his life. The author is feeling lonely and wants Facebook to make it better.My grandmother aside, there is no good reason to ever do this. There are lots of very annoying reasons to do this.Let’s list them: The one possibility I enjoy is that the message is written to be jealousy-inducing specifically for one individual who will likely be seeing it, whether it be an ex or a friend they hate. But I’ll happily take mildly amusing—at least we’re still dealing with the good guys. Because things in those two categories do something for me, the reader. Ideally, interesting statuses would be fascinating and original (or a link to something that is), and funny ones would be hilarious.

Description: An outpouring of love for no clear reason and aimed at no one in particular Example: I just want to say how thankful I am for all of you who have touched my life. I had the same facial expression I’d have on if someone made me watch a live event where people had their skin slowly peeled off. By the time I finished reading, I realized that my non-phone hand was clutching tightly to my forehead, forcefully scrunching my forehead skin together. It made me think about what makes terrible Facebook behavior terrible, and why other Facebook behavior isn’t annoying at all. I read it again and again, fascinated by how something could be so aggressively unappealing.

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